It has taken me a while to write this post, to talk about how shitty breakups are. To talk about how sore my heart was from mine. But in my breakup, there was a certain freedom delivered to me at the same time. And to risk sounding insensitive, not being with someone made me feel freer and finally, ok.
While I still have a great love for the last person who had my heart, there were certain periods of growth that needed to happen and they couldn’t happen without paying the price of letting go.
And letting go is the most difficult.
I’ve never been one to be single long, but couldn’t ever really hold onto anyone very long either. And yet somehow, over time I still manage not to give up. But each time, I feel my heart hide a little more when things don’t seem to work out.
More so, now than ever, I feel my own concept of love being narrowed in hopes that it’ll draw me straight to my forever person like a magnet on a refrigerator. And yet, each time I open my heart a little more, that seems like an impossible feat. That is a feeling I’m sure many can relate to.
So what do I do to get over a breakup? I travel.
Getting Over a Breakup with Travel: The Process
The first thing I did after my breakup, which was a month or so before my 30th birthday, was cancel all my old birthday plans to visit Las Vegas with my former betrothed. I canceled the rooms I reserved, canceled fancy dinner plans, and instead opted for a solo trip with Escape Campervans.
It was an amazing adventure, and I felt like myself again.
I felt free of judgment, free of sadness, free of feeling small… free of the wrong kind of love.
I read Paulo Coelho books in eight hours, didn’t bother shaving my legs or putting make-up on, and I carelessly snapped all the pictures I could of my experiences. And then a bunch of other confusing emotions followed my rediscovered sense of freedom.
During my trip, I was in a Starbucks writing next week’s blog, when a wave of emotions rushed over me. The feelings that I was, yet again, alone.
I cried. In Starbucks. Over my cafe latte.
I wouldn’t call my reflex to cry in a Starbucks a useless emotion. I’ve been known to cry in public places for multiple reasons. All emotions are important to feel after a breakup, as long as there is growth in the end. That being said, here is how travel has helped me with getting over a breakup.
You’ll Get a Confidence Boost
As I mentioned earlier, the sense of freedom that I felt was a sense of confidence. It was a feeling of, “I can do anything.” It’s a powerful feeling to have after breaking up with someone. I personally have felt that my confidence is at it’s strongest when I am seeing a new place or attraction that is on my bucket list.
I know when I travel, I am investing in my soul and working toward the overall betterment of my happiness.
The confidence in yourself helps you move forward and discover where you want to be next and what path you want to take to get there. That confidence also brings you closer to your forever person.
That confidence is like a blinking beacon in a shipwreck to them and they are a giant helicopter with a searchlight. You’re both looking to be rescued.
Reflection Time Will Arrive
It’s been a few months since my last breakup, and since then, I have traveled a handful of places that I was desperate to get to but felt like I couldn’t visit over the past year.
During that time traveling by myself, I was able to reflect on my relationship. Separation can help you see the pros and cons of your last relationship so you can pick and choose what works, and what doesn’t.
When we’re caught up in the Disney romance vision of love, we choose to ignore the things that aren’t working, especially if you aren’t famous for having long-term relationships to begin with.
I spent my times traveling thinking about how often I gave myself away for the sake of someone else. How much time I poured my love into someone without getting the same in return. And how that never really works out for anyone
If the reflection time hits you dead in the heart and pains you, then you know you are on your way to learning how to improve your next, and hopefully final, relationship
It’s Your Time to Be Sad and Cry
There are many times where anything could trigger my sadness over a failed love. The memory of a laugh, a simple joke, a look in his eye, and the mundane moments we spent together. But we traveled very little, although that was something I loved very much and felt that I had given up.
While I was happy that I was able to travel solo again, I was sad that these adventures were happening without that special someone beside me. The person I thought would be beside me through all adventures.
Solo travel is fun, but sometimes having someone with you can make it more exciting and adventurous. This feeling was made very apparent to me during my very solo 30th birthday trip. Hence the crying in Starbucks.
But don’t mistake crying for weakness. Crying and sadness are necessary emotions for moving on and accepting a new love into your life and a better love for yourself. Take advantage of that release of emotions and then fill the void with love.
You cry. You go see the Colorado National Monument. It’s all about balance.
Then, Healing Happens
Whether it takes you one solo trip or a dozen solo trips or a few trips with your friends, guaranteed those journeys are helping you heal in some way, that is, if you’re anything at all like me.
Travel therapy isn’t about running away from your breakup or your problems. It’s about discovering what you need to be happy after feeling like pieces of your happiness have been lost. It’s about finding out what you need to be happy with yourself before you can love another person and be loved by another person. It’s about being in the silence and solitude of your own being and learning to like it again.
It’s about digging deep into your soul. It’s about healing the pain and moving forward with faith.
They say being the best version of yourself is what attracts your forever person, so why not start becoming that person through travel.
How has travel helped you get over a breakup? Leave your comments below and let’s start a discussion.
